a near life experience.

a film of sweat,
a cut lunch,
somewhere
in my bag.
the sun rises
with beams,
and the warm hug of distant clouds.
i tug at the belly of my tshirt
and air out my sticky, slim body.
a man walks out
of a corner store,
holding a bottle of milk.
he folds a newspaper
under his arm
and walks enthusiastically,
back home -
much to my anger,
and envy.
it's his day off,
i can tell
by the way he walks.
who wears sneakers
this early in the morning?
-hard workers
smart talkers
and show-power-pony-walkers.
i spend everyday
like a funeral
trying to contain and smother
my life to a simple minimum.
fooling myself
into beliving
that this will lead
to an honest life.
that this will pay off
in the end...
that they say
it's impossible
to put a price on a man's life
yet
i do it
everyday.

not every man in the world gets to see their girlfriend order a coke at the bar, and see tex perkins standing next to her, waiting, waiting and wondering, wainting to order another beer or scotch - so funny from the everyday man's eyes and mind, and im there standing next to him thinking, - i accept your text msg - and nightswimming takes an advertising campain (sic) for you for me to realise it was written about and video made for my lonesome hipflask walks home from work, back in the really really really really me days -it was no harm - they were the no harm days - they still are, right right right?

i wrote a 2000 word spectical that took time and words and wine - but was deleted by the internet gods....i feel depleted and done - it was one of the greatest things i have written in weeks - and now just gone for no reason, for no reason but due to our desire and fuck and push for technology and why am i here?

ps (this was never supposed to be another druinken nothing writing binge... it was taken from me.... but it was done....somewhere......it still does... you and me)

a great man (iggy pop - no need to keep secrets - do your research) a great man once said ¨i wanna fuck all of you¨

..... and well, im feeling great tonight - ¿hear the difference? - ¿who supported who?

i get the greatest buzz when i give it up - my body naturually creates these highs it´s so used to by the mystic air of mexico - ask me how i felt when we all died and i have to say it made me feel much more alive - my brian is the drug - it is a mash of pure drug everything else strives for - the drug salad in my head shooting up and dropping my mind and soul with visions and ideas and the ability to at least (fuckin) try to see hear and watch and read everything a little differently - i give up caffine every two months, and can never sleep - ¿do you realise how much nicer it is eat simply in simple locations, as opposed to all those fucking cafes? - i dont need ambiance to jerk me off when i got my stone seats, park benches, gutters, drains, walls and friends and strangers to appreciate whats outside - ¿did you want a table with a window? ¿where should i sit? - dont forget to wave as we walk on...

a near life experience.


	Health Articles i use words as mozart would a piano. archives Saturday, November 24, 2012 yeah - im an arsehole - doesn't really know anyone, no-one really knows me - lady-elle maybe - sam maybe - the laylaws perhaps - god and the trees and the wind and cool sunshine and waking up from sleep and that realisation that you are on the other side of the planet - something that was once something, but is now a right of passage - i have traveled across this vast and tiny little planet, but for my time being, for the while i was the past dying - i battle, dear fucking reader, i battle - how can such a silly little man with one thousand dollars find a way to travel this planet? - hence, yes, hence - i stand in the background and watch it pass - such a fucking weirdo, drinking alone, happy - yet somehow getting by, pushing through, seeing it on the other side im not really sure what took me to running - some idiot would talk about my father running ten marathons - sure i ran as i littleton - as a youngling - i remember practicing ten kilometers from f/haven to olde eastern view and back, just to prove little s.laylaw could run the shit - and the little-one could - i remember thinking about daniel larusso and his "prep" for the all-valley championship - but the internet has taken all the glory away from that - anyway, it was fucking tough back then - damn, it was tough - i pushed through, never saying mercy to two older brothers and one awesome family dog we wake up everyday, but every now and again we wake up married and loved in a daze and you look around yourself and think - im alive, right? - and why me? - how many people have died while ive spent my time drinking and talking shit about music or movies that are meant to mean something but always never get noticed ever at the right time - and therefore a little man like me, pretending he means something against the spewmantic writing of online-thoughts - of online thinking - where does that leave me? - listening to fucking cds blasted witha nasty neon screen that corrects my fast-s[elling before i even notice it - is this to impress me? - is this to make me a cheap-sell to some guy a couple of years below me in high-school who now wears a suit and buys cheap sushi-rolls and pretends we were friends twelve years ago? i run like a mad-man - i think of manic-musicians, crazy-artists and super-cool movie stars everyone has forgotten - who will teach the children's children? - how do i get angry? - i can't really remember before i started running pathetic three kay-emm runs that i had top stop half-way through for - realising, hard, that man, maybe i aint so tough - but that's all it took readers and listeners - one realisation to change it all i think about those northcote lonesome days - drinkin' and music - struggling with the writing, but pushing through it all - somehow - some fucking how now - yeah, im alright - i run like a mad-man, but i run coool, smooth fast and fit - i see the sun shining when the boozer only sees it shining at his morning-wakeup-depression - some sort of lake that looks fucking amazing - i run around it a couple of times a week and i nod to the runners i pass by - damn they're doing better than me... at least i think so - maybe, maybe not - anyway, i nod to them all thanks to day-light-saving - the runners-nod - two men just pushing through and running for individual pain and pleasure, seeing one another and giving nothing but a nod as they pass a couple of seconds and share them together - soon to be forgotten some guy - a fluro jacket - maybe he wore it because he rode a bike - maybe he wore it for work - maybe he wore it cos it was dark back then - anyway, i saw him sitting on that bench by the creek in blackburn often - quite often - just sitting there, taking a break from his ride home to smoke a cigarette or few by the trees - only to be bothered by the workers with the "proper gear" speeding by on their "hybrids" - or guys like me running or "power walking" -or guys like me, who take some fucking time to notice the same old man sittig there with his shit and smoking his smokes and sometimes smiling with his smoked-workingclass-honest-lonely-face yeah, he's a lonely man - only sometimes he nodded back to my nods as i ran my ten-kay runs - id nod, and get nothing back - he'd nod, and id pretend to be too soaked up in my midnight-oil-stained-ipod running music yeah, but i got back to almost my personal-best - some set backs for no good reason, but nothing stopped me - but now i see some guy riding his bike a couple of moves down from my running route - ringing bells! - sure, i'll wave - riinging bells again! - this time i'll pretend i dont notice - riiinging bells again! - thumbs up man, i hope you're well! - i run on - he rides on - two losers passing-by doing their best lady-elle said "i thought you didn't like to get to know people" - or was it "i thought you weren't a people person" - i'm not - im nothing, and that makes me realise how i react to the nature of people, as opposed to their natural way of things... my thoughts are not like yours - my life is hopefully not like yours either - you're only reading this fucking far because you've drunk enough, or smart enough, to realise weird isn't weird - quirky is fashionable and popular - eclectic is numb - communication is boring - cool is everything standing behind everything you think is cool - love is lost to the movesoaked romantic, and struggling to life, questioned, to those alone on the beach thinking of their loved ones - music, love, life, truth is what you want it to be - not what some fucking tv show says it it, not what some fucking disposable movie says it is, not what your favourite character acts it out to be - and truth doesn't exist - nothing will last - trust eveyone, and forgive them all at the same time posted by Simon Saturday, November 24, 2012 Sunday, September 11, 2011 he decides to break free from the constraints of day to day life, and the whole world is there to witness his change in mind and lifestyle - just a bag and the road and an audience to send him off and someone to say goodbye - that's cool, they tell him - i wish i could do that, they tell him - i want to do that as well, they tell him - they stand around his loaded backpack like it's a newborn snug and bundled into a price-tagged pram - and soon it's time to go – he arrived early at the train station and bought a bottle of cola – taking it into the public toilets at the station, he quickly skulled back a third of the bottle inside one of the cubicles - careful not to drop anything on the floor, and carefully breathing so as to not to breath in too much, he refilled what was empty of the bottle with scotch– admitting to himself that this may be a new low, but enjoying the tragic beauty that came with his actions on the train he’s sitting next to middle-aged woman reading a block-buster novel - he has a window seat and outside the dusk is dying into night all over the industry outskirts of his home town - chimneys and pipes and steam and graffiti that gets weirder and weirder the further outbound the train yanks itself - the woman next to him, reading the book, was the first indication that this trip wouldn't match the romantic and spiritual solo journey he had envisioned in his head during the days he thought about how his life was wasting away minute by minute - as she continued to read, he looked out the window, slowly tapping his thumb on his thigh as he slugged back another sip of scotch and cola a baby somewhere begun to play incessantly with a toy of sorts that generated a loud, repetitive, electronic sound – the baby’s mother, he assumed, was simply thankful the child wasn’t screaming or crying as she let it continue to play with the noisy toy – the woman who was trying to read her book in silence, begun to turn her head in the direction of the mother and child every time the toy wanged out it’s loud electronic noise – not saying anything, but simply staring that them, hoping that would portray her annoyance – this in turn soon became more annoying than the toy itself by the time he was on the bus, the cold purple dusk air swam smoothly – he sunk back deep in his seat and rationed out the scotch and cola he had remaining in his bottle, reciting haiku in his head as he watched the trees gush-by and become spooky as the bus headlights paid them little attention and the bus continued to speed down the dark rural highway – he felt safe, content and in control of absolutely everything – he felt certain his fellow passengers could smell the scotch on his breath and the air surrounding his seat, but understood that they didn’t mind - he allowed himself to be simply taken by the bus and enjoyed the movement he was experiencing the bus driver helped him retrieve his bag from the under-carriage – the dim red light from baggage area recalling the time the isolated sea-side bus-stop was once a crime scene – wishing the bus driver a nice night, he heaved his bag onto his back, and with the realisation he had no reason to care about time or places, he walked himself down the dunes to the beach, stumbling and bouncing as though the sand was laughing and hyperactive – he had indian sitar music playing in his ears – japanese haiku read in his head – and the cold australian friday night dusk charging electricity from the air, sand, trees and breaking waves – he succumbed to his aloneness and spun his head around the millions of stars reigning above, allowing the scotch in his head to spin in the opposite direction the lazy trees branches brushed and scratched his shoulders and the bag on his back as he took the off-road direction to the small house – from this point of view, the house seemed completely desolate, soaked in darkness and dripping with the black night – trees shielded the stars, keeping their influence at bay – the relief of dropping his bag to the ground of evident by the cool of air on the sweat on his back – fumbling for keys, and jiggling the rusty key-hole, he pushed his way inside disturbing the dust and stale air and begun preparing himself something simple to eat by 2am he was lost on familiar ground – he begun to doubt his eyes, and doubt whether they’d ever adjust to the brick wall of shrub-darkness that surrounded and confused him – backtracking, he simply couldn’t get it right – about to give up, telling himself it’s probably for the best and that he should probably get to bed anyway, he he was back on the beach, absorbing and being absorbed with thanks from the isolated darkness, the seemingly infinite stars and cluster-dusts, wall-to-wall – the waves broke with a constant gush the same way they have for millions of years, and he realised he was standing surrounded by a natural entity, and that was the way it was millions and millions of years ago – this sand – these waves – this water – that mountain range – he picked up a small rock in his sandy hands, and it blew his mind wide open – alone, he spoke his amazed and boozey thoughts and moved in relation to the waves and water – the stars, nonchalant with the minor spec of insignificance, dancing on a minor spec of insignificance, for an insignificant amount of time from somewhere after hours of silence he woke up, warm and comfortable, rested after an undeserved good night's sleep - with no idea what time it could be, he found out and walked towards the light - he ate some nuts and dried fruit, and stood on the sagging and weathered sun-drenched balcony - feeling it's warmth, he woke up some more, and amazed himself as he sat in the sun and thought about all the stars amongst stars he witnessed the night before - having never done yoga before, he improvised what he imagined it would involve, performing some moves in his underpants - saddened deep down that this moment was tainted with the slight paranoia he felt wondering if someone was watching him - later he meditated, in the warm morning sun, thinking about the wind's influence on the flying dragonfly the water was icy - it was still a sunny, sunny day, but the ocean's water cut deep, relentlessly - there was no-one around, but he still felt as though he had to submerge his head and body under the cold water as soon as possible, to somehow prove himself - with no wind the waves were calm and smooth, moving his bobbing body like a dance - closing his eyes he felt the water move around him like spirits - he once again felt the insignificance of the lonely planet,earth - bobbing in a silent space, caring only for itself due to the nature of the existence of the universe - things happen - his aloneness exassibated these feelings and thoughts, and for at least one moment, he touched on the everything, the all, the answer and the meaning behind it all the pub was closed, shut down - he knew he'd need a drink and so he kept walking along the road with the knowledge the local store should be open and selling booze - this was and it did, and so he bought six cans of beer thinking they'd be lighter to carry home - taking the long way, he walked along the beach on his way back to the house - the idea came that a perfect way to lighten the load was to drink a couple of the beers, and so he found some unbelievably perfect shade in the high dunes of the beach and sat in the sand and leaned back sipping on the store-cold beers - the ocean in constant motion, the sand competing with the hidden blue-sky stars - he allowed his thoughts to be taken by the three or four beers he drunk in the dunes, having conversations with friends and people he knew in his head - was this a sign of impending madness, or was this a cure for his undiagnosed insanity that would change the world one day as he always thought it might? he drunk all night - listening to music, slow and sad with all the doors and windows open so he could hear the music as he pissed off the balcony and often wondered around the trees and shrubs that the kangaroos had longed abandoned - the slow sad music took it's time, just as he did - strolling and stopping to touch and feel the dewy leaves - listening to the twigs and dead leaves snap and crackle with each slow step in the dark, every single moment moving with time towards some sort of inevitable - and with this newly realised knowledge, he drunk one more beer to the clouds above, and remembered the stars of the previous night, and the ocean of the morning, the beers and sand dunes of the afternoon and all the thoughts he thought alone while never speaking a word he packed his bag late that night before going to bed - he set his alarm for 7.30am to give him 20mins to wake up and walk back down to the bus stop - he slept but it didn't do much - the next morning he woke to a miserable sunday morning - the birds even seemed tired - he slept on the bus, and he slept on the train, and before he knew it he was home - returned - and it was as though nothing had ever happened - ever posted by Simon Sunday, September 11, 2011 Wednesday, February 21, 2007 a film of sweat, a cut lunch, somewhere in my bag. the sun rises with beams, and the warm hug of distant clouds. i tug at the belly of my tshirt and air out my sticky, slim body. a man walks out of a corner store, holding a bottle of milk. he folds a newspaper under his arm and walks enthusiastically, back home - much to my anger, and envy. it's his day off, i can tell by the way he walks. who wears sneakers this early in the morning? -hard workers smart talkers and show-power-pony-walkers. i spend everyday like a funeral trying to contain and smother my life to a simple minimum. fooling myself into beliving that this will lead to an honest life. that this will pay off in the end... that they say it's impossible to put a price on a man's life yet i do it everyday. posted by Simon Wednesday, February 21, 2007 Saturday, January 13, 2007 youve never met the taxman and you're like an eye that cries everytime i look at you from over my shoulder, you can see the truth about me right behind me - the truth about me and my life, stands right behind my band - and instead of telling me, instead of letting me know, instead of telling me to turn around and take a look - you just take it on board like a mother and the secret death of a grandparent from a 3 year old child - i keep on going, jumping around, acting the fool and laughing at and about the strange strange strange life and experiences we share - but it's a chain reaction, this life on earth - you see me, just i see him - and he sees her, and she sees her - the truth of ourlives and ourselves isnt for us tor us to work out, search and distroy - it's for everyone else to realise, think about and enjoy - and you'll do the same, but im not sure you know it just yet - and that's okay - cos' you're alright - you're just okay, and thats alright - it's all the same and it makes you sad that you're good friend is sad and bummed out about beeing back in australia, after you eagerly awaited and looked forward to their return from asia, europe, america, sth america - tomorrow they came home, and you were so happy to see them ,and they were you - until you both realised that this just isn't going to work out anymore - they cant wait to get away again, and they're disgusted about your home torn, country and way of life - you really should just shrug your shoulders, smile and order another round and call it a day - instead you smile and nod and pretend it's okay, alright - we'll be friends forever, until you come home again posted by Simon Saturday, January 13, 2007 Saturday, December 02, 2006 not everybody has to enjoy picnics, good food and wine, not to mention experiencing "culture" and theatre and isms - i say this all the time, to everyone is more ways than one - however i also must add that not everyone must enjoy reading weekend newspapers - i prefer to read the tuesday papers as opposed to the weekend light-hearted-breakfast-in-paris-snuggly-coffee-goo i'd rather read a book if i want to read at all - as opposed to the peculiarites of children and teenagers - someone's (heartbreaking) fight with cancer and/or depression- wacky middle aged women - and the sensititive side of men - and how everyone's ideal weekend evolves around the weekend papers and how much they love and know about paris, europe, or a small town in morocco surely none of us have heard of before.....oh great master! and isn't it funny how every written review for a great concert ends up with the audience "spilling out onto the street outside, slightly dazed, yet with the communinal-inter-connected-feeling that, yes, we have all just witnessed something special, that will go down in melbourne folk-lore for many years to come." whatever it takes, feel free to do it - just count me out and dont expect me to play along and agree that these things mentioned above, and all things related....are a-given, unconditional and absolute simon posted by Simon Saturday, December 02, 2006 Saturday, November 18, 2006 i wasnt really getting wet, since it was hailing so much - it hurt and i thought of marty mcfly as i was thrown by the wind while i remembered the time in mexico city - 2km from home and no way to get there but just to take a deep breath and a few calming still silent thoughts before you step into it and just keep on going - just get through it - you can only get so wet i stopped in the pub which is situated half way between my work and my train station and for a spilt second as i open the old wooden door to step into the old wooded room and smell that dying smell of pubs - the smell of facing the truth and not giving our friends a hard time when they have the time courage and honestly to admit to finding it hard and realising the abusrdity of what a man must to do simply exist in this world of ours- its not easy, and we should all be congradulated for doing so well so far - and thats where pubs come into it - so with this in my head, i remove my soaked paperboy hat and a few hail stones fall on the pool-table-green carpet - and i check out my demin and i realise i could order a beer while i wait for the hail stones to pass and take one more step towards your perfect life - instead i say no - i ask for the street press that is released wednesdays and take two copies and use them as umbrellas as i continue along the last of the flooded road the hail had stopped, but now it was just cold rain and that relentless wind that had me up against a wall at one point - i felt like that augie march song no one really remembers or pays any attention to - a police car drove slowly by and i see one of them take a look at the semi mad man running through the puddles like marty mcfly with a soaked and pulpy newspaper on his head - and i shout "hey man! give us a lift!" as they speed up and drive away, somehow creating even more puddles to run through and jump over - it's like a dance i get to the train station and thank jesus chirst almighty i didn't miss my train - i take the newspaper off my head and start to read it - it's not easy, standing up inside a moving train, with my groin in a little old lady's face, and my arse in the face of some highschool student - but i get by - eventually the little old lady gets up to step off the train, and i notice that it stopped raining and the sun had came out - the platform glared - i wait a few seconds and when i notice no one else was up for it, i move to take her now-vacant seat - i was a little worried and reluctant about her bum warmth - but i needed a seat but there was an umbrella lying right next to it - and i thought about leaving it there, but the poor woman had my groin in her face for her whole trip, so i owed it to her to at least try and get it back to her - i picked it up and ran to the door - "excuse me!" i yelled in public - she didn't hear me but i got the attention of some other old lady wearing a kick-ass red jacket - i ordered her to "give this umbrella to that little old lady, she left it on the train" - she reluctently took it as the train doors automatically closed when i returned to my seat i saw a woman who looked like someone's mother who rarely travels by train - she had a look on her confused face and may have even said ".....oh..." "oh was that yours?" - i spoke quickly as a reactiong to what i had done, and sat down, feeling a natural pang of elucidation "it doesn't matter, it's okay, it doesnt matter" "oh shit, sorry about that, i thought it belonged to that little old lady" i swear i laughed at this point "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter" she kept saying - it was a crowded train, so she didn't want a scene - she just wanted to forget it - poor woman - she'll never ride on a train again, with people like me around ".....at least it's not raining any more." we left it at that - i felt proud of myself for not feeling too much embarrassment - i probably should have - but i felt great, laughed to myself and smiled - i thought about how i would tell my friends this story and make them laugh - and it felt great to have done something rather simple and nice, with it resulting in quite a strange comical and ridiculus situation but what really makes me love and laugh as i slap my knee and often lose it, is the thought of the two women on the glarey train platform that, thanks to me, shared an encouter together- that woman in the kick arse red jacket saying "excuse me, this is your umbrella" and the other saying "no it's not" ah yes, lets keep it up. posted by Simon Saturday, November 18, 2006 Saturday, November 11, 2006 posted by Simon Saturday, November 11, 2006 Friday, November 10, 2006 i finish work and head inland from the fashion capital of melbourne and metaphorically-vomit on my way there - not becasue i hate the people - i dont hate them at all - its just that they are all trying to be what my unemployed-semi-depressed-almost-alcoholic friends actually are - yet, when it comes to the face to face combat in everyone's favourite bars of oh-so-cool-melbourne, they wouldnt have a sip of their cool-style-of-dig that-intellectuality so i have two hours to wait - story of my life - one happy hour - but my girlfriend is talking faces down the road, so i keep my place and head into a far too fashionable bar on flinders street and spend my time and wait - jesus, i've been reading bukowski for a couple of weeks now, and it makes us all feel alive when we live what we think - then i realise it's still cupday this thursday - and soon this shitty newold bar fills with the bright loud and colourful – I fit right in, oh my sisters im standing at the bar alone, still thinking thoughts and wondering "did i really do this in vegas?" - no one can really answer that, and I certainly didn’t try, I just enjoyed the question -and i wonder why everyone calls me a thinker, the quiet one, an observer, so depressed, and my favourire - shut up with that philosophy shit...hippy a girl from the horse races, dressed up in her feathery flowery costume, slips in next to me at the crowded bar to order some kind of ridiculus drink – “oh sorry” I say, and I move slightly sideways to give her more room to order and to move my bag out of the way “no! don’t say sorry! Never say sorry Don’t put your head down like that – you should never put your head down like that! Never, never put ur head down when you’re saying sorry! – never put your head down like that!! Keep your head up! You should never do that” and im stunned – what? – wha? – where? – how in the? – enough said, im stunned,confused and have absolutely no idea where to start – I don’t say anything except just like keep my shoulders shrugged and shake my in little vibrations of confusion for around 5 solid seconds – where do I start?! How can I reply to something like that? In the end she orders her drinks and we stand in silence as she waits for them – she picks them up and turns to leave the bar and return to where she came from, leaving me in peace and a state of inner disorientation and confusion – as she does, she bumps into a man walking quickly by, and spills half of her drink on me and my shirt And, my friends… she says apologises ps - i get into more trouble in internet forums than in real life posted by Simon Friday, November 10, 2006 Tuesday, November 07, 2006 they may look down to you, in the gutter but they'll be looking up to you, from hell posted by Simon Tuesday, November 07, 2006 Saturday, November 04, 2006 i was only in the front yard to keep him company - he was smoking a cigarette and i had my own way of enjoying the early hours of this friday morning - thursday night - quite the tradition, until all my friends lost/quit their jobs, just as i found mine - but now we were all back where it begun - moneyless, in their parents garage, pretending to be nice and polite and pleasant as we walked through the living room to get...at it - bad yet solid pool, dirty jokes and beers in the unplugged fish smelling vintage garage-fridge - this one goes out to everyone who has ever lived their dream, been alive for their fantacy to come to life, only to dissapoint themselves as they find themselves living it drunk and in another deep dive bar - so we talked about his plans to travel overseas next year and we both had it good for a moment - he was actually working graveyard shifts at an atmosfearless characterless hollow pub where people prefer to loose money than drink themselves to antoher weekend death - the place has history though - his plans are extremely doable and i wish him all the best, then and now - it makes me think of all those memories i never tell anyone of my own months in mexico and the bars of small town canada, anytown usa - drinking with the drunks - getting along with so many cool people, strangers and bums - having the nights that belong forever with strangers and such late nights - much like this one, but tonight i was with friends and brothers - i kept quiet and he finishes his ciagarette... and just leaves - and just walks back inside without me - without saying anything or asking if i was to come back inside as well - i find it funny, but im glad - edict has no place within the honest and real - i laugh a little and just dig what i can of the rest of the night, and my time outside i need to take a leak, so i head over to the garden bed, where i saw another friend and brother urinate eariler before - it's his house, so i assume its ok - there are houses close by, and the street and footpath isn't too far away either - but its probably almost 4am so i didn't really care - i started going, and my oh my - the noise -the garden bed was littered with layers of dry leaves and as i urinited i think i woke up the neighbours - it was pretty loud - and lasted quite a while as well i turned around to head back inside and have that last beer - a possum watched me *.....and finally, some dharma pops........* turn around - and see my friend - he looks confused buying beer - i hear my name - paranioa is it cold enough - for the heater? - play some music office wall cartoon - sad torn truth - it does nothing trying to call - engaged tone again - beer while i wait cold light night - freezing on my bike - smell beer on my hand torn movie poster - looking at me - memories return! posted by Simon Saturday, November 04, 2006 Friday, November 03, 2006 posted by Simon Friday, November 03, 2006 Thursday, November 02, 2006 posted by Simon Thursday, November 02, 2006 it's been six years since i have worked this much - but, yet, however - it is the first time i have been sad and/or depressed after such hard work - it doesn't normally take that much effort - but living an easy life can do that to an honest man, in this way and say and nay of life - i should've been happy, excited, pure and everything else we all once felt - i shouldve felt reckless and fearless and invinsible - much like a maturekindofhappy - i was given two days off work, before an already long weekend (government accepted) - but i just left work on a wednesday afternoon and said... "catch ya later guys!" and raised my eyebrows as i waved - i walked to the train station with my man in limbo - my workmate - if i could be even more patronising i would call him my apprentice, but he is far too cool - so we walked to the train station, and he offered me my sin - i told him mine and my plans for my long weekend and everything evened out - it was hot enough for november already, and i could feel my bag resting on one shoulder as we walked Wellington st - a month or so now - does that consist? - does that result? - does that maintain a routine? - we talked music and strip clubs because we had finished work for the day (shit, even the week and it was wednesday...a one of...a best of...) - he is five years younger than me. at the time, and he jumped across the railway tracks as if inspector gadget were spying and there he sat and waited for his train, as i waited for mine - for around 40 seconds - they came at the same time, and on this hot enough wednesday afternoon we both wished each other a good weekend as our trains crisscrossed and we got on with the rest of it. im on my forth train for the day, and thank god it's my last - (should i say something about how im trying to quit?) - i pull out the local beat street press from my bag that i saved all day and stand and lean againt the doors of the carriage just to piss the rest of them off, even though there are plenty of seats left and available - im trying to say something here - i read, and turn down my mp3 (what have i become?) player because there are two teenagers picking each other up standing next to me - however the female of the pair keeps peeking at my... words and tries to read them - i let her and turn down my mp3 player secretly and try to hear what the two new lovewords have to say to each other - it's nothing much and before too long she is gone, and im left with the guy and he is young and looks like jack white, and i would wish him the best, if only he needed it - instead i realise, and know he belongs with me wednesday weekend - coupla pots or a sixer? - it's hot enough so i buy a sixer and make my way - the long way due to a fading memory - or is that just due to intelligence, and the rememberance of all true things that truely matter but are rarely thoguht of? - i will wonder till the day i die -i will think till the day i truely live - i will live till the day i realise with the premieum sixer in my bag and the setting sun hot enough, i walked and remembered my local CDstore had moved and shifted recently, to somewhere even more heartless and characterless - one up for the little man, you stupid bastards - i buy a DVD cos i just wanted to buy something, man, jesus - the meredith music festival dvd - i had it all, except a longer than expected walk home, with some luggage - i walk take the longer road and trudge it, think it, and wonder about the heads in all those cars as they stand still as i walk and two small koreans stop me on the most industrial beautiful road to glory of eastern suburibia - "hello..." i saiw it coming "... we are from korea..." "oh, ok...cool..." i unplug on of my earphones. "...yes, we also go to bible school and...." why was i feeling so down? - i walked a regular path and train and footpath and deep down i knew it would all pass - feeling down and out is just as natural as feeling overjoyed on your seventh birthday party - it's okay - it's happy - and it's day to day life - and it's sad - it's natural to feel sad - depressed and down and out - dont' fight it - embrace sadness and break your own heart - the sun sets and the sun rises - but at times like these, at times like mine, that has nothing to do with it and it almost happened- what we've all been waiting for, dear loyal reader - dear only friend - that moment in life i wait for, you wait for, and we wait for together - that moment which will most likely take place in the most public of all places... - it almost happend - and i shook my head in awe and had nowhere else to look but to the ground and then to the sky - two such extremes must have something to say at moments likes these... ...yes she was attractive... yes she was blonde and probably everything else, i couldnt care less - what really took my realisation to the limit was that it was 6pm and daylight, and this young athletic powerwalking honest and cool-enough young woman felt the need to exercise with a stick fisted in her hand - her lesuireweaponofchoisebeastick - she felt the need to walk walk for exercise first of all, and second of all, she felt the need to carry a makeshift weapon... what else do i deserve? - why do i even walk home everyday? - simon posted by Simon Thursday, November 02, 2006 Saturday, October 28, 2006 im new friends with your old friends now - i'll take them if you've just grown up, gone different ways, become different people,.or found that girlfriend you've always thought about when you see that girl on the train, and catch her looking at you, and you think to yourself, this could be it, that could be her, if only i had the means and reason to get up and put my book down and wind up my discman headphones and put it all in my bag and say "it would probably be a mistake for you to even think of me, but i think you're cool, and i was just listening to the greatful dead, and sure you could do better than me and i drink too much, but wont it be great to live the rest of your life asking what if? i couldn't think of anything better!! i got arrested last weekend and i cried in the cell becasue it sunk in yet again that this is my life and the world around me is simply natural and best friends with the devil - you cant get in too much trouble for being drunk where im from - have you ever wanted to go to prison!?" - if shers the right one she'll say "what the hell? where did that come from?" and she'll laugh for the first time in her life and and you'll go get some beers and she'll drink scotch, not because she likes to, but because in order for one to be sophisticated, one must present an image experience and hardship - in order for one to be intellectual, one must rarely laugh - and then she'll bump into some of her friends she didn't know would be there and for a few minutes you'l just be sitting there, drinking your beer too fast, smiling and nodding as these strangers talk to your new favourite girlfriend - and noone knows what to say- who are you? - and what are you doing talking to our friend? -you instantly hate them - and when they leave and go away, you feel so much better - "i hope im not interupting anything" you say, and she says "no no no" and touches your leg for the first time - you thank god, and order another drink without bothering to ask her if she wanted one more - they know you here - and after initially thinking that you and her share almost identical obsure music tastes, you slowly realise you're not that similar afterall, especially when it comes to music taste - "its okay, i never really liked myself that much anyway - i'm happy to spend some time with someone who is nothing like me - and if you ever ask why i drink so much, i hope i just answered your question and you spend the rest of your life - pissing it all away - simple, tradgic, positive and honest - forever asking what if and why not and loving everything second of it - walking home, on what you believe to be a natural-hgh, only to remember you've been drinking all day and night, for the last 3 days posted by Simon Saturday, October 28, 2006 Friday, October 27, 2006 and what takes a photo these days? - a few days later and we're all showing everyone who wasnt our friends, but at times like these we want to cash in and.....spred the love....whatever that means.....can you, really, tell me? ( commas, are little over done these days - and i'm no exception - just your favourite album.........we all love it.......) i was just (honestly, there are [writers, who belong with me, and without me and you] in an argument about how...let me forget.... ...no really, (let spell-check cover my arse)......i was just in an argument (whatever that means with the amount of coolness-spellcheckin'- hippy-bullshit-cover-my arse these days)...about Dead Man... ... talk about floggin a dead horse, shit, i even used to msg you - without a bottle of scotch! can i tell you again... ihatehimbutloveherbutilovehisloveandherloveryetsaywatulikeimsimeandiminlovewithLozindrunkandlove - evenstill, like you have never beeen yet ,herloverisonewheni luvhislove - have you met my girl Lauren? - get with if it or realise the real world - wat music merely plays? once again, let's fuck edict posted by Simon Friday, October 27, 2006 Saturday, October 21, 2006 saint sgt. simon p. lawlor has finally met and spoken and drunk and unrinated with a member of the greatest band to play during your lifetime!!!! ............................!!!!R.E.M.!!!!...... !!!!everything i just said is true!!!!!!! i went to the show by myself - hoping - but really, deep down and all-knowing that i would meet and greet and be cool with peter buck - of rem - and thank god he played//s with robyn hitchcock who really should've gone to swinburne uni if god had it his way - what a stream of heart and soul we'll all forget - fuck consciousness! distroy edict!! and beers, yes - beers? sure! - and random guys, or just the one cool one, who are only like me, when im alone and like you right now, the only one reading - fear not, we'll be in touch - lets talk after we psyche ourselves out during the show - man oh man oh man - glory be in the form of sound - thy will be done - read my last line - only one friend of mine has really quit their job walking in - looking at the dark couch and seeing the cool guy sitting there (where else is he sitting?) - and who else but let it be peter buck turn his head to see the first of the ones and the one and only in that BJM tshirt and we bopth play it cool but can't take our eyes off each other like men in love with music and it happens - see the photo - who looks more excited? so i retire to the mens room cos i need a break from allt his truth - message sam ryan in the mens room where no one else will be at this time of night - but i know deep down its going to happen and swing squeck quack damn - there he is, taking a piss at the urinal, as i lean against the wall, knowing im just going to have to put my phone away and wait until the universe finds me... ...and on the way home...., i take it all back, cry all you likeis it sad, that it has had to come to this, for me to say that "life is beautiful??".....?no... because it didnt have to come to this... - life and birth and death IS beautiful... and we're all very lucky to be apart of it ....and......finally...... trust in the universe will take you to more interesting places than trust in your beliefs take it from, SPL ps - we (pete and 1) did speak to each other, and discuss - but i had no idea of what it was we spoke about - all we know is that im enlightened - and i can not trust anyone as far as i can know them posted by Simon Saturday, October 21, 2006 Saturday, October 14, 2006 you really dont wanna know the meaning of life - it's really not going to help you out - not with your problems anyway - manoman, how did you get into that kinda mess? - ouch - im not going there - been there, done that they say - and drums, god bless em - like no other instrument - you can say less is more about every instrument doing the rounds, and getting raped by your friend's new band (who are really good!, i hear...) - but with drums, it is so much more affective - just one tap and we all fall down, over the edge, and we wont be able to wait to tell anyone and everyone about how that song made us cry - thank the drummers i say - crying to music is the new black - and its only when the most simple, basic, obvious and overlooked emotions are expressed in that....kinda alright band, are expressed that we find our new favourite band - something to write home about - fear not cliches, i think i know how i feel - let it flow - sit back and let go - ride - it can be done - thy will be done - you have to work? - you have to get up at 6am? - leave by 6.45am? - it's okay - it's a lot easier than you think - dont fight anyone - dont fight anything - relax - think for yourself and speak for yourself - not at the same time though - pay what it costs and enjoy yourself - do you realise? - it's a sad song played happily, and there is nothing wrong with that at all - because it makes us all feel good - simply posted by Simon Saturday, October 14, 2006 Friday, October 06, 2006 dont do that children - thats what they want you to do - young folks? - things shouldnt be so obvious, and when they're too young to die they'll make the rest of us cringe and look for anything else to focus on, inside or outside - the moons up above are always lonely but never upset - your friend is a musician and you love her - i'll waste my time - i'll allow my life to be a massive mess - a massive waste - why didn't i think of that? - it doesn't matter - it begins and ends and ultimately we'll end up back here all over again reading and writing, trying to look cool as shit, and pushing ourselves to concieve something new - but everyone has babies - dont blame the writers of lovesongs for you're cliched view of the world - it not what they meant, it's what actually happened, and now your friends are telling you how much of a great artist you are, and you'd like to beleive them, but you know they dont know what they're talking about and it would be nice, but so would a new pair of jeans - i've said it before, anyone who enjoys being an artist (sic, and puke), or a writer, isn't doing it properly - like their new album, your planned holiday, your new job, love isn't what you expect it to be - and you'll realise that when you push through romance and wake up to yourself on the other side - it may not be as bright, but at least it's private - dim lit and honest - denying romance and all romantic visions of the future now, will save you from heartbreak forever - take it from me - im up and down with real love, not your life imitating art bullshit ok ok ok - for now and forever - i do not care - you drank red wine before i did - your cd collection is better than my cd collection collection - you were there, in the front - you're more serious than i am - you're more intellectual than i am - you're more under control than i am - i agree with you totally, just leave me alone and stop trying so hard to make me understand this.... posted by Simon Friday, October 06, 2006 Sunday, October 01, 2006 know thy self? = love thy self! can you ever overcharge what has been submitted when the aspect of the eraser has been spelt out for you and all of our sober friends? - psychedelic music, and from here where shall the youth take it? - how can simon lawlor live with all those mexican memories and the fight to hold them all back? - is any life worth living without mexican memories? - no, because i have read about what real death is like, and reading about death and what lies before us everytime we drink a beer or lay down to sleep is a dangerous thing, because death is too far great and good and knowing about it is a dangerous thing, because i have heard and i know that death is amazing - you heard it from your friend/brother/sister/father simon - death is something to look forward to - if we all knew too much about it, it would be the end of the world, and thats not just writing my words are saying and to work for with words - death is the answer- no more to say....... but that is not to say that there is no reason to live posted by Simon Sunday, October 01, 2006 "white with two? yeah? if i remember correctly?" "ahh, no, black with nothing.... thank you" i leaned on the kitchen bench and had no idea of where to place my hands - i folded my arms, but that just made me look too defensive and offended, which i wasn't - i played with my hair but that just made me look like an idiot - eventually i just put my hands in my pockets, resulting in me looking depressed and miserable, but what did i care? i looked up and noticed that she had rack with hooks nailed up on the wall, where she hung all her saucepans and fry pans - i never thought she would become one of those people. "new glasses?" i asked as she poured the boiling water into the mugs - i remember she once told me you shouldnt use boiling water to make coffee - i told her i didn't give a shit and opened a beer instead - but that was then. "no, i got them a while ago? do you like em?" i didn't - but i said "yeah... i dunno" she handed me the coffee and i took a short sip, as i turned my head and looked out the window behind me. it was a perfect day outside, and i wished i was a child again. i can't enjoy it anymore. "you should come around more often yaknow- it's good to see you again - shit it's been ages." this was half true. she took a seat at her kitchen table, which had a light green table cloth over it that somehow suited the clear perfect day outside. she crossed her legs and looked up at me smiling - trying to anyway. "wanna go outside?" "you don't like what i've done?" "nah, it looks real good - i dunno, i just wanna go outside. it's been a while." we walked down the street still drinking our cups of coffee - i liked that - i liked that she could still do things like that, and not give it any thought or question - it was a small and simple sign that she was still the same person i once knew - careless - i followed the powerlines with my eyes as we walked far too slowly down the street - she talked and i thought - it was a saturday afternoon and i felt like a beer - i thought of suggesting we make our way to a pub or something - and then i remembered, all of a sudden, that i never really like her that much - so she kept on talking. "so you workin much now?" jesus - i lied. "yeah, im doin some stuff... you know..... its not that interesting..." "do you remember my cousin? she still owns that place, and could probably get some work for you - shit, i bet it's been ages since you saw her too." i didn't remember her cousin, or what place she owned - so i nodded and said that it sounded good, but i was going okay - we arrived at the local football oval at the end of the street and it was completely deserted - we both stopped and leaned on the white-pole-fence that lined the boundary - i threw out and emptied the remaining coffee in my mug onto the grass infront of us - we stood there together in silence - i found it weird that the oval was completely empty and that nobody else was around, especially for a saturday afternoon - no kids around getting their pants dirty - the grass looked so soft and an unnatural shade of green - this made the sky look much bigger. so then i said "i still have the knife you know" and turned to look at her - to see what her response was going to be - i looked her in the eyes for the first time in six years - she was confused, maybe a little angry - why would i say something like that? - she squinted a little, and i smiled and turned my head back to the grass and sky. "where is it?" "in my pocket." an angry flash of movement and she threw her coffee mug hard and fast as far as she could onto the oval infront of us - the coffee sprinkled and rained down a little bit after flying in slow motion - the mug bounced and tumbled a couple of times on the soft grass - i remember thinking it was fortunate the mug didn't break or crack, creating nasty cut on the leg for the next child to play and fall there "what are you doing?" "what do you mean?" "why would you say that?" "what?" i put my hands in my pockets again - she pretended not to notice. "what are you doing?" "i dunno, i thought you might like to know." "what are you going to do with it then." "....keep it - i mean, why not?" i could feel the small knife in my pocket - warm and almost moist as my fingers i toyed with it - a black bird flew and landed on the grass near where the coffee would have sprinked down "how did you find it again?" i laughed, wondering if she was serious. "it really wasn't that hard - you know, when you think about it." "you're really sick sometimes, you know that dont you? ya sick. always have been." it was true - i never really liked her that much - not back then, and not now - i bent down and ducked under the pole-fence of the oval, and started to walk away across the grass - i still felt like that beer and the sky still looked so big - so much bigger, just like everything did when we were kids - i heard her say something to herself - but i didn't hear what it was, and i kept on walking - when i reached it, i gave the coffee-mug a hard kick with my boot - and it shattered posted by Simon Sunday, October 01, 2006 Tuesday, September 26, 2006 i dont rant, i write - i dont blog, i song - i hope and think and i rope and drink - i look for something else to write about, and i have found myself in the strangest places, in the strangest buildings, with the strangest people, and there lies the beauty of life and death on earth - they really dont need a guy like me, but im out to change minds - yes yes yes, i say, ok, right, sure - but no no no inside - inside im thinking, holy man on earth, look at that view, if i worked here i'd have so much to appreciate, i couldnt be blamed on blowing all my pay on mick harvey's solo albums and listening to them where it need be - thy will be done - and im always the hero when im so sure of myself and feeling right right right - and im always down and out when the earth needs me to be, along with anyone else who knows and love tom waits' debut - it always comes along and follows me, much like that memory you know was far too romantic and bullshit, but something that means so much more to you and your life, that it changes the way you want to speak to your friends - but not much happens there and within that little bindle of joy - gimmie some god damn theater and make it a good one, i want to wear my scarf and hat - but im not much of a hat in the bar kinda guy - i saw you on the street today, and we pretended not to see each other - but i cant wait to see you again - when was the last time you saw your friends sober and outside of a bar? - how do you know you still like them? just cos' their girlfriend gives you a lift home, and you thank and thank and thank them too much? - surely not - they say paranoia will destroy you - but, it does make you think - they say this and that gives you cancer, but nothing kills you like time does..... ....and i mean, some people even die in their sleep - lets ban that posted by Simon Tuesday, September 26, 2006 Saturday, September 23, 2006 not every man in the world gets to see their girlfriend order a coke at the bar, and see tex perkins standing next to her, waiting, waiting and wondering, wainting to order another beer or scotch - so funny from the everyday man's eyes and mind, and im there standing next to him thinking, - i accept your text msg - and nightswimming takes an advertising campain (sic) for you for me to realise it was written about and video made for my lonesome hipflask walks home from work, back in the really really really really me days -it was no harm - they were the no harm days - they still are, right right right? posted by Simon Saturday, September 23, 2006 Sunday, September 17, 2006 sell out all you like - it's bullshit, cos even if you do sell out, which i encourage you to do and take it from the man, you'll never get paid for it anyway - so why not? - what, you're the embodiment of pure and honest living? - you've never drunk a soft drink before? you give em the money, im get it off them without letting them into my pure and honest and nightly realisations - someone once asked "a six pack or a bottle of wine?" but after awhile i find myself asking "a pair of black leather shiny shoes, or is it time to go watch my team lose at the footy again tonight?" - forty dollars can go a long way, but that's all gone and forgotten to the drunks who only have one thing on their mind - well, at least when your girlfriend leaves and goes home and turns to you and says "i'll see you tomorrow sometime" and then turns to the drunk and says "it was nice to meet you" - that's when it all comes crashing down on them all over again like a sleepless rising sun - and i just say "see ya then" and sit there with the drunk and know it all, but dont say a thing - because thats when they realise they are all over, and just another moment of reaching the understanding that they are alone and have wasted their lives, but there is nothing they can do about it anymore, but just sit at those bars and reach a pathetic level of hope, until your girlfriend breaks their heart all over again next weekend posted by Simon Sunday, September 17, 2006 Saturday, September 16, 2006 thank god your kids are gonna be cooler than you because i plan on hanging around for a lot longer than you suspect - and here i am with the job i know i dont want (with you), but realise i must need, to become more aware and intouch within and without the oh so clever ways of day to day life - but where does a day to day lifetsyle go when one signs their name down to some job that fuels the best of free time? - thank god? for what? putting a price on life and time and freedom? what does he expect us to do with this? who can be stuffed with a marble glowing warm rubics cube? - here we are, only forgetting hearsay and therefore the graduation of saddness and marriage recieves my phone call and thank god its a friday night because i was awaiting the words from any long lost forgotten friend - a meaning of life, and there is nothing wrong with treating people in the way that comes naturally to you and i - deeper and further, shall i call you my sister/brother? - instrumental music makes us think for ourselves, because we are always alone, always, and some just cannot handle that my best friend anthony now has to find the time to dig and work on his "that there" backyard and take care of the weeds the neglect of previous great moments of life and night and life threatening youth - am i asleep, or is that phone just ringing becuase i am lazy and found myself finally snug? - we shall search for it forever after and sleep will sadly be forgotten when we have moved on to what the moments in our minds of unconsciousness feed our moments of sadness and sleep - because some things will never be known - like yourself right now and everything else going on within that mind of yours and how you spend your time thinking about why memories and echoes collide when it comes down to a stranger on the street and the rest is history, which means little, since we have other things to gather together for later on - that one true art - that one true sentance - that one true thought - thy will be done, and the rest be taught posted by Simon Saturday, September 16, 2006 Friday, September 15, 2006 so tell me!!, who doesn't like r.e.m.? and who doesn't doesnt, doesn't know what they are listening to - r.e.m. - god bless r.e.m., but that goes without saying - have you really heard beyond what you have been told to listen to, or is that too easy to say?? - i struggle at times, but r.e.m. always make it through to the ice cold cocaine radio stations and even harder lifetimes - this music isn't anything, it's the four guys of being that get together and play music that i hear - but that is touching on a little too far close to being what i try not to write about - r.e.m. - i have rarely mentioned band names, but here i am because i have heard what r.e.m. have to say - you think it's gone, but it's beyond your ideal - you'll get there one day when you're kids grow up to be cooler than you - art rock will die the day rem no longer release and it is a shame most of their fans are indie nerds trying to glorify the fact they are wasting their lives, and fooling themselves, and insulting the real intellectuals of this planet - bold black glasses are only worn by the stupidest (first time i have used that word) people listening to music without thought or knowledge and because without them (the glasses) i have nothing to look at and no reason to talk to them - little do they know is that i actually know this - you have nothing to say anymore - im not attacking you, im trying to sort you out and get things together - listen to r.e.m.'s early work and forget it - your kids are still going to be cooler than us, no matter what - the world and planet will forever listen to and consider what the twenty-somethings say and think, or so we think - we are out of control and the sooner we realise that the better - listen to the kids of this world, but dont pretend to be one of them - you don't have to be known and understood and recognised to change the world, just ask malcolm redwood - or me in a couple of years - do i change the minds of my best and wosrt friends? - cam knows and agress that our one true night in tokyo was to be rembered forever and never forgotten until we , thank you - i listen to television, and guiding light must be kept our little secret - fuck the rolling stones posted by Simon Friday, September 15, 2006 Wednesday, September 13, 2006 are you ready? are you ready for this? here we go, and again nothing else can correct what comes in through that metaphysical punk mail - repetition, why not? - a real look at the train side suicide, and i'm the bad guy because i take the photos, and you give the grief - and within whom lies the honesty? - just like your high school experience, this life isn't meant for everyone - life on earth and as we know it - but i feel fine - infinate beautiful individuals can and do and will continue to exist, yet we are stuck with one or two, maybe three educational systems - this is no place of mine to say such things, but sometimes the truth be gold - same with life on earth - this is still what we came up with - infinate possibilities, infinate individuals, and this one, two, maybe three systems of life on earth as we know it - but i feel fine in time and without suicide guys like me, on the dark side too soon, cannot be as free and easy and living as we can pretend to be - i know your names, i forget where you live, and i couldnt care less about where you work, or what you do, tell me more about yourself - something doesn't feel natural about writing with you - i have creative friends, and then i have friends who will keep the lonely artisits company in heaven and hell - why is not my friend john in the know about where i am at? - we could be so good together, but as we all know we are so much better just out of touch - michelangelo, man and god posted by Simon Wednesday, September 13, 2006 Monday, September 11, 2006 lennon and cash met outside the corner and the world as you know it imploded - two of the coolest and one of the coolest right next to you, yet again, just like every best ever gig you've seen and told your friends about the next day, over the phone, or....lets face it...."the myspace" - no fear no wrong and we all get home in the end - whether we like it or not, we were thrown into this and we either have to get busy livin or get busy drunkin and hope to hell we either work something out or end up in prison where something will take care of us - throw it down man, let me in - cry in front of me and i will keep it a secret, or pretend top cry in front of me we'll just let everyone know about it and how worthy our time and moment together was in out - what? - where did that time go, and who keeps on singing that? - computers - take me down, down down, for i have the guts to yell "further!!!...further!!!.......FURTHER!!" when you cannot and cuddle you're girl all you like, i'm here with the band, in ways that you do not know, for i know that i know that this band probably doesn;t like me anyway, but what they say, i think, and thats why im here - and visa versa when the roles are reversed, and geesus, the finals are on, forget about it! - such a complicated play on absurds that exhaust us when we just sit and it becomes over us without any effort, its just all those nights that keep on keeping on catching up to us - come on spring!!! give it to me you bastard!!! who is to say and who is to question and answer? - the wankers - those who think but do know realise and there lies the frustration and the key is to do nothing and not to fight it, just to say "well, alright..." and turn and find someone new to talk to - it works - one day to come and the rest to go away whenever we see our heroes we feel okay and are really living, whenever we dont, we are just still okay, and merely living - one mans death is another mans regret - one mans suicide is another man's resignation - one mans win is another man's loss - and one man's trash is another man's experience - one man's late is another man's bonus - pretend to laugh and you're gone - there is no need for that kinda funny business around here - surrender is for the thoughtful and suicide is far ahead of our time - come on, freak out! - what the hell do you think you're doing!? - listen up - break down, see whats happening and regret it all whever you find the time - how long does it take me to write this? - no time at all, and no thought at all, just the mere and relentless heart and soul everyday and night and i am what you forget and dont believe in - i am what you are afraid of - i am everything you don't want, but i am the love affair your subconscious doesnt want to tell you about - it's happening, whether you like it or not - it's writing if you like it or not - i am you're friend and there is nothing you can do about it now, we hyave changed each other's lives froever and kesey noted that this is nothing but the past and everything takes time - why are all my heroes down and out and why do i queestion that? - why do all my friends think im depressed? - do i let them in too far? depth is overrated and meaning has lost all meaning! - what were your conversations like tonight? regular? stereotypical and useless? - nothing wrong with that if you're in with the incrowd - do what you like, im outside you're little fantacy land with the out crowd and we're doing arlight - buy a ticket later on and then something will push through and shatter and you'll be there not worrying about the time of night until tomorrow morning, when we all have to get up and do something - waste time and write something - but invest your time and read it. posted by Simon Monday, September 11, 2006 Wednesday, September 06, 2006 sometimes we must listen to what we have to say over a simple board game and think a little deeper to what is really being said - sometimes we dont, but do - thats what makes us silly and simple and rather human - when trees dance again, i can feel winter relentless on my bones, and sometimes it just works out - we were going to have a party that day, perfect, we can see tim rogers and get drunk for the sake of it - and it's reassuring to know that syd's second album is where i want to go, and tim is still living and singing about that one perfect guilt free beer we all aspire to drink one day - with the perfect guilt free friend in the perfect guilt free state of mind all together enjoying and laughing about yet another guilt free hangover - ahhh glorious life, why have you given me only three things to write about? - do i really have to break my own heart? - do i really have to dig myself into poverty? - do i really have to force myself into somekind of life threatening addiction? - is this moustache really needed? and what if you're drunk friends where right? - why does everything always work out so well for you? - why are you living the perfect life? are you to blame? who is doing this? why does everything just slot into place, like you knew it should? - why do i always slip and write doesn't when im trying to write does? enough questions again, no time for that and the junk mail is due to be coming in again soon so be sure to spread the word - don't wait until they die to tell them what you think of them and their life - good or bad - friend or foe - celebrity or stranger - put your thumbs up and your head down, and when the guillotine chops, you can be sure you have a pure soul and one that at least your real, good, best and great friends will always appreciate posted by Simon Wednesday, September 06, 2006 Tuesday, September 05, 2006 life's young nightmare - today's one and only realisation, and it comes to me as i sit at a bar and pretend im all alone, and have nothing and noone to talk to or think about - just me and a book i shouldve read such a long time ago - but it aint so easy after the third beer, what with all the col and pol and all - so you put the book down on the bar and focus on the beer, and after a while you notice you have put that book there on the bar, with absolutely no intention of trying far too hard to look intellectual - it was a natural occurance that took place and it's moments like those when you realise you are actually living, and not trying to reenact what you have seen to be cool - it's just happening naturally now life's young nightmare - and you look around, whereever you end up and think "maybe i really am the most insane person in this room" - everyone has at one point been the most drunk, the most depressed, the most shy - but how often have you been the most mentally ill? - two? six? seventeen? now thats living - who has lived the greatest life you know of? who has lived the greastest life of all time? out of everyone ever? who can be bothered trying? life's young nightmare - and sometimes we all need, and have the mother-nature-given-right to blame someone else - it's not always our own fault, and blame isn't a dirty word - even jesus (who owes buddah a six-pack by the way) had this twelve drinking buddies to help out and talk things over with - however, sometimes it's those we like the most who can take assumption one step too far, and no one wants to be that comfortable - and we all should see the value in sadness and depression and misery and not run and hide fearful from it - such vital and worthy thoughts - such character and selftruth - how can one not find themselves in random bouts of misery in times like ours? - i think it's just important and vital in an honest life - never trust anyone who is happy all the time - i would pick the down and outs over the up and them em's anyday. posted by Simon Tuesday, September 05, 2006 Saturday, September 02, 2006 shimmy shimmy shimmy and before i knew it i had become that man who yells all sorts of things out to the crowd and makes little children turn their heads in curiosity as their fathers pretend not to hear or notice anything - as their fathers pretend it's not bothering them - i have now learnt that you can only make jokes about the special olympics every four years, and i missed my chance - this time around anyway - the best friends are the friends who know you're telling lies, but dont say anything about it, they just keep on letting you believe it, they just allow you to fool yourself - whatever you do, dont take advantage of these friends - just because they are pretending to believe you, doesn't mean it's not annoying them - accept the fact that you will probably disapoint someone new everyday, and accept the fact that your favourite band probably doesn't even like people like you - learn to love the keanu's and maculey's and realise that nothing you could ever think of asking will ever be answered - not in the way you want anyway - answers are very overrated and the search to find them, and the ones that suit our outlook on life, is a complete waste of time, which says alot coming from a guy who believe thats there is no such thing as a waste of time - especially with this in mind and a god-given-coolness when you can let it slide pure and easy and beautiful into what may posted by Simon Saturday, September 02, 2006 Thursday, August 24, 2006 posted by Simon Thursday, August 24, 2006 Saturday, August 19, 2006 i went from the first new special effect that our daily news pumped me up when im eating your dinner on the couch when you have to go to the toilet and you will never really know that unless i tell you so that we can have a laugh and play some music and feel like the last of the natural ones and read about how d-grade celebraties would like to spend more time in paris in our weekend newspaper but paris just bores us when we have the right minds to take on our own backyard and just simply enjoy the city that belongs to us i will never meet my best friend i will defete paranioa with pure arrogance and i will destroy guilt by doing it right - what is the difference between pessimism and realism? - depends on who you're drinking with i guess - i will always compliment your cool jacket, no matter what, without dely - but i will always compliment you're cool shoes when im looking down and thinking "do you really want to be my friend? really? what are we doing?" like a sad goodbye, like a violent merry-go-around-again, the days cry themselves away as they walk home by themselves as the sun rises, and the birds start singing, and the children wake up, and it's pure misery with each draaaaagging step - and there was no sleep - no sleep - the day has come and it's far worse than we could have ever imagined - i will walk with you, the forgotten days that added up to nothing - it may be sad and dismal but it's inevitable - we may as well walk together as the sad relentless sun rises on the day we just don't give a shit about posted by Simon Saturday, August 19, 2006 Sunday, August 13, 2006 posted by Simon Sunday, August 13, 2006 i wrote a 2000 word spectical that took time and words and wine - but was deleted by the internet gods....i feel depleted and done - it was one of the greatest things i have written in weeks - and now just gone for no reason, for no reason but due to our desire and fuck and push for technology and why am i here? it was beautiful, and as some things go without saying... ....lets hope that some things go without writing.... ...and perhaps thinking....god willin'... ...wine. ps (this was never supposed to be another druinken nothing writing binge... it was taken from me.... but it was done....somewhere......it still does... you and me) posted by Simon Sunday, August 13, 2006 Friday, August 11, 2006 you either do something to make someone else happy and everything is grand, or you piss them off because you're not doing what you really want to do and you're doing everything for the wrong reasons - where is my heart? will i spoil your night and day because i turned up only because you wanted me to be there, and deep down inside im dry and bored and annoyed and feeling kinda shitty towards everyone you introduce me to when they think i must be shy, when in reality i'm just feeling completely out of place like those times i walk into a record store and discover all they sell are dj-vinyl and i still pretend to look at a few records as they usally have a few records of interest and then get the hell outa there and buy a fanta - but im not sure, and im not shy, im just outa place here and i wont want to talk to them (and there is nothing wrong or rude about that), and im still a guest in a room full of hosts, and im still an outsider locked inside (laugh if you like...etc) - especially when im here - but if it makes you smile, and if it makes you feel good and happy and have fun, im willing to be there and sacrifice my efforts as the look on your sad face can melt the sun everyday till things work themselves out again and the moon comes up again cold and it gives us a reason to wear our cool jackets and take them on together and change the face, heart and soul of friendships and relationships (realationships?) forever - cos we are unlike any of them posted by Simon Friday, August 11, 2006 Tuesday, August 08, 2006 seen your happy time get me another beer and it works out cos we both wanted one but i do feel bad cos why did i come and visit you in the second place as opposed to what was forbidden as i walk down the most amazing street with a cold air and comfort that we all spend that sunday perfectly and will forever strive to meet them again and make it just like it was - but it is out of our control - who our friends become and who our friends let down have little to do with who we are, but have everything to do with those sundays - and so i give thanks i walked down your street - nice and simple, and we can sit and just talk and laugh, and drink beers but not even think about them - thats not why we're here, and thats not why we're having fun - finally i told you about the time i was in las vegas, eating another dirty, dirty and cheap hotdog in the badlands of lives that were never even given a chance to reach the potential of beign wasted, these lives just need not be and it is no ones fault, it's just the reality of the badlands of vegas - so standing on these streets and that corner by the store, i eat my stomach filler and some girl on a bike and tracksuit and all messed up and wasted long blonde hair rides up to me and starts stressing out oh my god shit oh my god he is going to kill me - i just stand and turn and look around and see that it didnt help, she is still stressing and freaking out - oh shit, he is going to kill me! - this girl had bought a pack of cirgarettes at this store i was standing and eating out the front of, and when she got on her bike and rode off, back to her charming boyfriend no doubt, she must have lost them going over those poetry gutters - she asked me if i had seen anything, and i apologised and said that i did not, which i had not, i was just eating my breakfast micro hotdog and preparing for the shit load of beers i was going to be drinking for the next 48 hours - she paced around looking at the footpaths and roads and gutters, like that kid next door playing cricket and running for the tennis ball and frantically searching for it in the front yard hedge all with those caged up sticks and blinding leaves, all the while his nasty old best friend keeps making runs, even though the ball is lost / he will make 12 runs off of what was a crap shot anyway - i feel sorry for the girl and her lost cigarettes, as i can imagine her arsewhole boyfriend sitting on the couch with his buddies and probably giving her shit behind her back to make himself the king of the couch and probably drinking her southern comfort as well - i offer her a cigarette from the packet i found in my sleeping jeans pocket from the night before, and she thanks me and smokes one with me - telling me that her boyfriend is going to kill her for loosing the cigarettes, and probably accuse her of stealing them or the money - i feel like bad - she may be gone and forever doomed from any pessimystal mind, but she meant well and was in fear then it dawned on her that she will arrives home and her boyfriend will smell the cigarette that i gave her on her breath, and i just made everything a whole lot worse she stamped it out and quickly rode her bicycle home, still scanning the streets and gutters for that lost packet of cigarettes this was not a story, just something that happend and i wanted to tell you about it - i always mean well, at least try to - but sometimes the gutters take what they need and there is nothing we can do about it - try as we may, and we may as well. posted by Simon Tuesday, August 08, 2006 Friday, August 04, 2006 posted by Simon Friday, August 04, 2006 Thursday, August 03, 2006 what?! never seen a ma eat raw horse before?! posted by Simon Thursday, August 03, 2006 so why dont i get homesick? heartless? no, i have more heart and soul than the pulse itself and the big bang put together and shot apart like...whoa, dwell on that bad boy and i:ll touch it and nothing will ever be the same again - perhaps it is my lack of patriotism? no, my lack of patriotism is my patriotism - you see, my australia is a country that doesnt give a shit that doesnt sing the national anthem, a culture of no culture and people who just dont bother about that and patriotism has no place in being a true and honest australian - but we are picking up the trends and pacing back and forth trying to think of something we can make up to fill the blank spaces and ticking all the boxes slowly and surely so that we may one day become a real country just like that and them - europe bores me - having said that i have now vowed to defend america and americans anytime someone takes the easy way out and blames them and it (i was standing right next to you man, i shot the gun as well and perhaps the first stone was mine to be thrown but i passed it on to someone more in the know) - we are no longer any better than america and americans, so bag them and i`ll ship your arse home - they are no worse than us - i did once say that how can one be homesick in heaven, and how can one be lonely in their own personal mental paradise - ahh, but the thing is i am not homesick because i am here, and there in mexico, my homeland - i am home - mexico - from now on i will be half ausrtalian (in the true sense) half canadian, and hlaf mexican - the third half? well, we will all get there eventually - mexico just bought it out in me. posted by Simon Thursday, August 03, 2006 Thursday, July 27, 2006 but, at the end of the day.... it is tuesday night - and a man walks into a resturant with a bottle of scotch and takes a seat at a table by himself - the waitress comes over to him, and he says -dont worry about the food love, just get me a glass.... on second thought, forget the glass, just fuck off! ever meet someone who is just like that hungover-cigarette? posted by Simon Thursday, July 27, 2006 Wednesday, July 19, 2006 a great man (iggy pop - no need to keep secrets - do your research) a great man once said ¨i wanna fuck all of you¨ ..... and well, im feeling great tonight - ¿hear the difference? - ¿who supported who? i get the greatest buzz when i give it up - my body naturually creates these highs it´s so used to by the mystic air of mexico - ask me how i felt when we all died and i have to say it made me feel much more alive - my brian is the drug - it is a mash of pure drug everything else strives for - the drug salad in my head shooting up and dropping my mind and soul with visions and ideas and the ability to at least (fuckin) try to see hear and watch and read everything a little differently - i give up caffine every two months, and can never sleep - ¿do you realise how much nicer it is eat simply in simple locations, as opposed to all those fucking cafes? - i dont need ambiance to jerk me off when i got my stone seats, park benches, gutters, drains, walls and friends and strangers to appreciate whats outside - ¿did you want a table with a window? ¿where should i sit? - dont forget to wave as we walk on... posted by Simon Wednesday, July 19, 2006 Saturday, July 15, 2006 hey friend and brother, i am writing this at the vesuvio in san fran, with a pen i stole during my two days of misery and intrige back in lowell ma. im feeling okay - got a beer - bought some new books id love to talk with you about - and have just bought a ticket to mexico city - you know how sometimes can feel really great after part(y)ing with $260us? well, im not sure im there yet - but hey, i will be ariving in mexico city on june 5 - my 24th birthday and then we´ll see what happens. how are you? i do often wonder, and think about that - you have have heard that im not really missing anyone or anything, and have rarely been homesick - this is true - however, i really hope you understand my situation - here, speanding all my boredom money, visiting places ¨for the first time in my life, and the last time in my wildest dreams¨- how can you be lonely in heaven? - how can i be homesick in my own personal mental paradice? but that is not to say i dont think and wonder about the times back home, and the corner, and all our friends, and how youre going with them all - the mindless shit still going down? - the good, the bad, and the downright funny? - ahh, i will be back - perhaps sometime soon - and you´ll be the first to know - alright alright alright - we´ll start all over again with what we have done, and said below us as roots - we can start all over again and create something beautiful we have the ability to fuel everyone else - our personalities allow it - everyone can be mad and crazy and drunk - but not everyone can do it properly - and make it mean something, and say something, and whisper something cool. i just read a letter neal wrote to jack about meeting a girl on a bus but striking out with her, but then scoring with a 20yo virgin in a park. i will stop writing now, as now i have all the time in the world to drink, read, write, listen and watch, now that i have written this letter to you. take care, love n life, your brother, simon. posted by Simon Saturday, July 15, 2006 Tuesday, July 11, 2006 let it be known, heard and said for all time, that if i ever become homeless, a bum, a no good dirty ole drifter with one pair of pants, compelling you to hold your children closer as you walk me by, then it will be of my choosing and i will be happy - enough with all this stuff - but hey, im all talk, i could easily become all those things, and then i would finally be happy right? happier, right? i{m just saying these cool things in hoping they rubb off on me and make me cool - no no no no no - the only one thing that stops me is my realisation that even park bench sitting, street sitting people watching has become simple and utter bullshit - even the random herds of people walking and doing their thing and spedning their time and living their life has become boring to watch and view and thinking about - there is nothing to write there - just moments of everyone doing the same things, thinking the same thuoghts, planning the same plans, striving for the same goals and going the same places, and we{ve heard it all before. but im in there too, dont get me wrong - in writing these little things i become far too aware of my faults and weaknesses and vulnerabilities - i can walk the streets with the best of them - but i have spent far more time on those there park benches - and would be happy to live there as well, if only the view wasnt so dull and boring. posted by Simon Tuesday, July 11, 2006 Saturday, July 08, 2006 he looks his coolest in jeans and a torso. 24hour sexed-up hair and.....my sunglasses also. and he digs cool music but just shrugs at your....rock and roll. he´s always on top of it yet, still under control. and he´ll come in and say ¨hey man¨ and just make you feel good then go off and walk the streets like not even james dean could. and when the storms come in he will just stand up and laugh, since every flash of lightening is just god taking his photograph. and every weekend he will ask ¨whats with this shit?¨ and then he will go and say what youre thinking before you think of it he will disapear for hours, days, weeks, ....or so it seems. and then he becomes best friends with the girl of your dreams. and he makes you sad that people actually, die. because he tells the trust when the rest of us lie. and he makes you sad that this is life on earth.... ...such cool, genuine, nice people, but what is it worth? and life goes on and he finds a way. and somehow yours does too, especially when he says ¨whoa... alright.... ok...¨ posted by Simon Saturday, July 08, 2006 Thursday, June 29, 2006 posted by Simon Thursday, June 29, 2006 by no means do i ever want anyone to think that im out to attack them - im out to attack it - the comfortzones - thats where i wage war - not on you - but that fantacy land that we strive for and reach and then what? - i want to desrupt and destroy and reveal that the common consensus on all sorts of various issues and albums and bands and movies, isnt always so spot on - we dont have to all agree in utopia - the general consesnus is a crock - that album really isnt that bad - that movie, wasnt that good (maybe the soundtrack, but i aint one for romantic comedies....hi-fi or lo-fi) im feeling great and look forward to apologising where it need be - thats cool - because we´re alright, and im on your side posted by Simon Thursday, June 29, 2006 Tuesday, June 27, 2006 which one are you? posted by Simon Tuesday, June 27, 2006 Sunday, June 18, 2006 and he put it nicely posted by Simon Sunday, June 18, 2006 Thursday, June 15, 2006 a home away from away from away from away from home - if i had it my way it would be san francisco - ive never not had to say ¨be cool¨so much in my life - get a beer- take it easy - sleep- dig these times - hear my words - buy a book - write a book - read it aswell- but ´the first third´ - buy and send my best, worst, competitative rival friend matt a jack and neal postcard - dig the city lights and breath it in like any friendly sun - write a poem and make it say your words, scream, whisper, or pull them aside at the bar - read it in delux on haight and ashbury and let it be confusion of whether it was your accent, their love or their hate that brought the whole jazz poetry scene out there to silence for the length of you stage time - dig jazz, all the time, everywhere - jazz is everywhere and all the good life has is time - smoke and walk down kerouac blv and take in the piss stained air and thank god for the little pieces oftruth and justice in all the alley ways - drink a beer and think of your heroes - what was it they said to you? - walk the streets and see the fog move like wise mystical smoke and feel like the only one - have another beer and talk to a cool corporate confused artist about the movie nick cave wrote - make a promise - take the saf route home and take a piss on an elementary school wall like its the only place on earth - think of your friends - get drunk - get food - get a plane ticket - get sad - get high - mexico city posted by Simon Thursday, June 15, 2006